Hurt? Confused? Left Out? Yeah.

Why? I always ask myself that when things go horrible wrong or just so unpredictable nasty, especially from one you consider important and close to you. The hurt is so incredibly overwhelming that sometimes you think it might not be worth carrying on, and sometimes it overtakes you and end up hurting everyone around you. Well, I've just encountered this exact situation and I am wondering how I can go on, but I just know that I have to no matter how improbable the solution might be.

And girls can be the worst source of pain for anyone, and I'm quoting straight from true-to-life experiences which have left me a broken man. I liked this girl see? I wouldn't say that we're really close but I would say that we're long time friends. And well, frankly I told her about it and everything. She was single at that time so I thought that I could make the cut. WAS is the figurative word in that sentence. Her response wasn't exactly encouraging but hey, everybody needs to be pushed a little right? So OK, I got that part all sewn up. Came back from 2 1/2 months of hell from a faraway place, and I thought that I might just make it. All the signs were slightly more positive. In fact, I was really confident!!

Fast forward to 2 months down the line it had to happen. It just had to. You know what? She's already taken. For the past month or so. By her colleague. And I was just thrown into the dark just like that. All my hope just evaporated into thin air as I slowly digested the information. All the plans, the hope, the very essence of why I do what I do. Just like that. Boom. Slice. A part of me died that night, and I'm not sure if I can go on without it. Hurt by the pure evil in the timing of the events. Confused by what I should do. Left out in my own circle of friends.

As I see it now, I'm never going to be able to make the cut. I'm never good enough for any girl. I've never ever been an important part of her life. And I may never will. I try to tell myself that this isn't the truth, that everything I see and hear on that night isn't what actually happened but who am I kidding?

I'm not complaining but I just want a chance. One solitary chance. That's all I need from her. I never got it. Well, I guess that's that then.

Girl, you know who you are, and if you're out there reading this, I sincerely wish you all the best in all your endeavors, your studies and in your private life. Thank you for everything.

"When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
- Sherlock Holmes -